Dad caught me masturbating in my room

Dear Pastor,

I am 18, and I am living with my parents. When I was 16, I started to have sex. I have my own room, and I am an only child.

One day my father entered my room without knocking, which was unusual for him. He heard me talking on my phone, and he said he thought I was crying, so he entered the room. I was not crying. I was talking to my boyfriend and playing with myself. I had on my panty and was laying flat on my back. My boyfriend was on his phone telling me some sexy things and what I should do with myself.

When my father pushed my door and saw that I was not crying, he asked, "What are you doing?" I said nothing, but my hand was inside my underwear. I froze. My father said "Sorry", left the room and closed the door. I knew that he said something to my mother because the following day when he was not at home, my mother asked me if I was masturbating, and I had to tell her the truth. She asked me how long I have been doing that and I told her from I was 14. My mother did not say a word. At another time, my parents were talking to me about boyfriends around the dinner table, and my mother said, "'So and so', please don't let any man get you pregnant. We know that you are now a grown lady, but we would not want you to throw yourself around." Then my father added, "Any man who says he loves you, bring him home so that we can meet him."

I have another boyfriend who is twice my age. I can't take him home to my parents. But this guy and I have been having sex at least once per month and I really love him. I am not having sex with him for money beause my parents give me money every week. But he is a sweet man. He told me that his babymother is away. He has taken me to his house. He does not even have a helper, so whenever I go there, I help him to clean up, and we shower together and then have sex. I can hear you saying in your mind "This girl is bad." But, Ppastor, I am not bad. However, I do have sexual needs. I can never forget what happened to me when my father saw me playing with myself. For days I could not look at him.

A. W.

Dear A. W.,

You said that your father usually knocked on your bedroom door before entering, but this time he entered the room without knocking.

He told you that he thought he heard you crying. I can only imagine the sounds you were making while you were masturbating that made your father feel that you were crying. You embarrassed your father and yourself. Whenever persons are pleasuring themselves alone in their rooms, the door should be locked. So you should be blamed for your carelessness.

I am not going to condemn you for what happened, but now that you are 18 and sexually active, just remember that you are in university and your parents are paying for you to pursue an education. Don't you think that you could have found another man who is single and free instead of having someone who is much older than you who you cannot take to meet your parents?

I hope that you will not do anything stupid to cause this man to impregnate you. I wish you well. Remember that this man has told you that he has a girlfriend who is abroad. One of these days he is going to tell you the date his girlfriend is returning to Jamaica, and you will have to decide whether to have an intimate relationship with him or prepare to be dumped.

Pastor