Brother-in-law tried to hold me down

Dear Pastor,

I have just finished reading your column, and I decided to write to you. I was born in Jamaica, but I do not live there.

I do not have children, and I am single by choice. I am in a good job, but I have had disappointments in life. When I came to America, I lived with one of my sisters and her husband. He was always trying his best to sleep with me. I did not want to tell my sister because I did not want to cause a problem in their love life. Apart from his behaviour, I love the environment in which I lived.

One day when she was not at home, this man literally tried to force himself on me. That was when I told myself enough is enough. I told my sister, and she spoke to him, and he denied everything. He called me a liar.

He was always telling me how plump my breasts looked. You see, Pastor, in the house, I did not wear a bra. I didn't think there was any good reason for wearing one when I was at home.

My sister doesn't wear a bra either. When her husband said that to me the first time, I took it as a joke. However, one day he tried to squeeze my breast, and I was very upset. So when he tried to force himself on me and I told my sister. She blamed me because I did not say anything to her from the outset.

I am 44. When I was in my 20s, I fell in love with a man, but I broke up with him when I decided to live in America. We tried a long-distance relationship, but it didn't work. I have had a couple of boyfriends in America, but they are not for real. Some of these men want women to support them, and I am not into that.

I pay my sister rent, and she likes me to pay her every week. When I told her that her husband tried to violate me, she asked what could he be looking for that she didn't't have. I told her I did not know, so she has given me notice to leave. We used to cook one pot, but I no longer eat with them.

My parents are in America, but they live in another state. I do not want to move from where I am to go to where they live, so sometimes life is very depressing for me. Work keeps me going. I love my job, and I am very active in church, but I am still hoping to meet a good man. I don't rule out marrying an American, but I prefer someone from yard.

My sister's husband has spoilt the good relationship she and I had ever since we were children. I don't have any reason to lie because I will never have sex with this man. I would be betraying my sister.

W.

Dear W.,

I trust that you will find an apartment to rent very soon. I understand why you were reluctant to tell your sister that her husband was making passes at you. She is defending her husband, but you know that you don't have any reason to lie.

I know you may feel that time is running out on you to find a good man. However, comfort yourself with the thought that some women get married after they have reached their mid-40s and 50s, and they enjoy their relationship much more than when they were in love in their 20s.

Many foreigners believe that Jamaican women owe them an obligation to take care of them because they married them and filed for them, so to speak. But Jamaican women know that they should contribute to the household, not support their men financially.

A good man may still come your way. Just be careful not to throw yourself here and there.

I wish you well.

Pastor