Mom refuses to let my girlfriend live with us

Dear Pastor,

I am Jamaica-born, but I am living in America. I am the only child for my parents.

My mother is Jamaican, but my father is not. My father works very hard, but he is careless about his money. My mother has to control everything for my father.

My father told me that his greatest weakness is women. My mother fusses with him every day, but he tells her that he will stop playing around if she will stop nagging him.

People say that I am the spitting image of my father. Sometimes my mother says that she hopes that I will not follow in my father's footstep when it comes to women.

I have a girlfriend and my parents know her. She comes to our house every week. One day she was at the house and my mother came home early and caught us in bed. My mother was surprised. She asked how come we were home from school so early. My girlfriend said she was not feeling well and I offered to take her home to our place.

My mother said to her, 'How come you were not well and your panties are to your knees? Suppose you were feeling well, what would have happened?' My girlfriend covered her face and did not say another word to my mother.

My mother went into her room and closed her door. When she came back out, she told me to take my girlfriend home. My girlfriend was ashamed. She did not come back to our house until she was invited last Christmas to have dinner with us.

I am now 18 years old and this girl and I are freshmen in college. She is not getting along well with her parents and she wants to move in with us. My father does not have any objection, but my mother said she doesn't want another woman in her house, so if I want to have a wife, I should find a place for her and leave.

My father says I should stay home and save my money. I love my girlfriend and I don't want to lose her. I don't have the answer to the problem, so that is why I am asking you for your suggestion.

R.T.

Dear R.T.,

You are an adult. You know you cannot manage on your own without the help of your parents, and your father is well aware of that. However, your mother does not want you to take a young woman in her house as your girlfriend because it may cause contention between the both of them.

It does not have to cause contention, but it would disrupt the way your mother has lived. She would have to share the kitchen with your girlfriend, and if there is only one bathroom, she would have to share bathroom.

The home will not be the same.

You say that this young woman is not getting along with her parents, so she would like to move in with you and your parents. But that would mean that your parents would agree to have your girlfriend and yourself living in their home in concubinage. And that would not be pleasing to your mother at all.

Perhaps your fiancee should talk to her parents and promise them that she would conduct herself well while she remains at home. Please don't be upset with your mother because she does not want you to bring your woman into her house. She might be thinking also that you may get your girlfriend pregnant, and she is not prepared to have a grandchild so soon.

Pastor