Fiancé engaged me with ring he took back from my friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old, and I am having a relationship with a man. He was engaged to one of my friends, but they broke up. The girl and I were good friends, so when he got engaged to her, she showed me the engagement ring. It was a lovely ring. Months after, he accused her of having another man. She said it was not so, but I know that she was going out with another man. However, that was not my business. 

He came to Jamaica, and they had a big fallout and he hooked up with me. I told him I did not want to get involved with him because this girl and I are very good friends. He went back to America and started calling me every day. He also began sending me money, for which I was thankful.  We got into a relationship, and I told the girl who he broke up with what was going on, and she said that she had moved on, so if he liked me, I shouldn’t turn him down. 

I asked her how she would feel and she said that what is done between them is done. I asked her if it was true that she had another relationship at the same time with him. She said she went out with the other man and they did a thing together; meaning that they had sex. But she said she does not know how this guy found out. 

I agreed to have a relationship with this man. He came back to Jamaica and got engaged to me on my birthday last year.  However, when I looked at the ring, it was the same ring he gave to the other girl. Nothing was changed on the ring. I asked him why  he didn’t buy me a new engagement ring, and he said the ring that was given to me was new. I know that this is not a new ring, so I wore it while he was in Jamaica, but when he left, I stopped wearing it. 

We plan to get married in October, so I would wear it when he returns. Do you think I should really wear this ring after another woman wore it? 

He has a good job and could have bought me a new ring. I asked him to make sure that the ring he is going to put on my finger on the wedding day is new, and he said yes. His former girlfriend has never seen it. But to set my heart at ease, he would buy another ring. I also told him to buy a new engagement ring and he could take back the one he gave me, and he said that would be okay. Do you think that I should wear an engagement ring that he gave to another woman? 

M

Dear M.,

Rings can be very costly, and this man is very much aware of that. I do not doubt that the ring he gave to you is the same ring he gave to his former girlfriend. Perhaps he got it all cleaned up and thought you would not recognise it. I understand that you are not very comfortable with wearing the same ring he gave to the woman who cheated on him. 

This girl admitted to you that she had an affair with another man. But she also assured you that she would not hold anything against you if you were to marry this man. Some people may say that nothing is wrong if you were to wear the same old ring. But I say to you that if this man truly loves you, he should try and get you a ring that was not worn by any other woman. You should have everything new on your finger. 

Don’t make a fuss over the ring, but persuade him to change the ring before both of you tie the knot. If he cannot afford to buy you another ring, tell him that both of you can get married without rings. He could then buy two lovely rings whenever he can afford it. Rings are sentimental, so you should have your own rings. You deserve to have something new. 

Pastor