New lover just falls asleep after sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a 42-year-old woman and I was married, but now I am divorced.

I have a boyfriend who is 10 years my junior. Some of my girlfriends call me a cougar, but I think that they are doing so because they are jealous of me. This guy was introduced to me by my neighbour. I moved into this area after my former husband and I got divorced. My neighbour and I used to go out in the mornings to walk and most mornings his wife came along. One day he told me that I should not give up on life because I am a divorcee. He told me that he would introduce me to a young man. I told him I was not interested, but he insisted and he gave me a number to call the young man.

Reluctantly I called, and I was impressed by the way the young man spoke to me. We agreed to meet over lunch. After that we went out to different places. Now we have been having sex. My ex-husband spent a long time in foreplay, but this guy behaves as if he is in a hurry. He does not spend much time in foreplay and whenever he ejaculates, he turns over and falls asleep. It takes me a long time to fall asleep. I have been trying to teach him that it is important to stay up with me so that I can enjoy the afterglow.

I know that this guy is young, but I don’t think he is too young to know what a woman needs after she has had sex with her man. As I said, I am 10 years his senior. But I will marry him if he proposes to me because he is a decent guy, he is in a good job and he is respectful. I don’t intend to let any and anybody come to my house. I have got involved with this man and I don’t need anyone else. I am looking forward to your comments in THE STAR.

F.

Dear F.,

Evidently you have fallen in love with this man. Your neighbour knew that you needed a man in your life.

You should try and avoid comparing him with your ex-husband. That is always a wrong thing to do, for a woman to compare her present lover with her ex. This guy is very sharp. You said that he does foreplay, but he is failing you on the afterglow. Many women do complain about men who fall asleep after they have ejaculated, leaving them wanting to be hugged or embraced.

It is the duty of the woman to teach the man what he should do and it does not happen overnight. Because some men believe that after they have ejaculated and the woman has had orgasm that their work is done and it is time for them to sleep. So you should teach him that you want to enjoy the afterglow. You are 42 years old. I hope that this man will indeed marry you. Ignore those who call you a cougar. Perhaps they are jealous of you.

Pastor